This entry is part of the Babyoye Blogathon for Mums. 

Welcome to being pregnant, its one ‘heavy’ ride, and it’s a joy, but let’s face it, while there are amazing perks like people giving up seats in buses and metro rides, there are a lot of moments, including crying at advertisements and TV shows, that you previously smirked at. The average pregnancy takes about 280 days, so for 280 days, your body is effectively rented out to another little human being. As if that weren’t enough to deal with, there is a lot of free advice and tips that come from “well meaning” experts, who have seen “what to expect when you’re expecting” way too many times or the motherly aunts and elders, who have been there, done that, and think things should simply be done “their way”. Honestly, it can be quite a roller coaster, emotionally and mentally, so here’s an opportunity to laugh till you pee at some of the hilarious “advice” Indian women have to deal with through their pregnancy. Oh wait, I don’t need to laugh to pee, my baby’s already dancing me to the bathroom with the theatrics happening in my belly.

1. You have to eat for two now: The average pregnancy requires about 300 calories extra to be added on, which translates to roughly a tablespoon of Nutella and a slice of multi-grain bread. While this may not be happy news, when you want to eat a whole gamut of food without worrying about your weight for once, that isn’t how it works. Many of us like the idea that for once, we can eat like we’re at an eat all you want buffet, on account of being pregnant every day. It isn’t a very smart thing to do, unless you’re rail thin and this is the first time ever you are actually putting on weight. Watching your weight and eating right, with healthy helpings of small meals at regular intervals can avoid a lot of complications later on such as gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and backaches.

2. Eating a lot of ghee will make labor easy: This one is quite a hilarious one, almost as if, you are lubricating the woman, pump her full of ghee and out comes a baby, no hours of groaning or labor. Ghee is an unsaturated fat and unless consumed in moderation will only lead to a problematic weight, so feel free to forego that extra helping you just can’t stomach, it isn’t going to send that baby sailing out any more smoothly. In fact, labour gets better when you stay active, the more you exercise, in moderation of course, the better the chances for a smooth labor.

3. Walk slowly and don’t climb the stairs: Pregnancy, whether it is a singleton or a multiple one, isn’t a disease, contrary to popular opinion, it’s a time for celebration and women can and do a lot of the things they usually do. I remember one time when I clambered up on a chair to reach some dishes and people gasped and yelled. I looked around, and looked down, wondering if the string of my pants had gone loose again, but no, I was fully clothed. Climbing, and reaching for things and walking faster is fine, it really won’t shake up the baby hurtling out, in fact staying active is good for a smooth labor. Unless your doctor has advised you against doing the usual things you do, there really isn’t a reason to be confined or to restrict moving around and doing the things you love doing.

4. Stand in the sun, with your belly at the window, so your baby will not be jaundiced: This one is regarding the bilirubin count, which sometimes can be higher in infants, leading to a need for the baby to receive light therapy (only when the range, determined via a blood test is over 25mg). Most new-born’s may have a slight yellowing of the skin (physiological jaundice), which goes away on its own, and giving your baby some light exposure when you head back home gets things right back on track. Sunning that belly, in the scorching heat, really doesn’t cause the rays to penetrate in through the amniotic sac to lower the count of the baby’s bilirubin in the blood stream.

5. Eat a lot of white foods and avoid black tea for a fairer baby: Our preoccupation with fair skin is one that can be quite a stressful experience with expectant mothers being told to eat a number of “white foods” that will go in and just paint the baby a whole shade fairer. The skin color that is inherited is based purely on a play of genetic factors, and your baby may be fair, caramel, chocolate or any other shade, based on what mix of genes come together during the period of conception. So really, no amount of curd, milk and cheese is going to make that baby grow fairer. Sip on some soothing tea, or have a bit of chocolate. Darker foods will certainly not paint them dark while they grow blissfully unaware of the debates that ensue, in the mother’s womb.

Oh and to end, here’s a piece of well-meaning advice, which I am sure every pregnant woman has to people who are going to comment about the pregnancy, don’t ever tell a pregnant woman, she isn’t looking drop dead gorgeous. We love being told how pretty we look, especially when we feel like a beached whale. So don’t go there, not unless you want us to sit on you, so you can reconsider that opinion.

Sonia Fernandez

I am a stay at home mom to twin girls and a blogger.

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