2019: Time to Throw the 'Shoulds' out of Our Lives!
- Ujwala Thirumurthy
- Back to Work
- 08 Dec 2018
Do you know the actual dictionary meaning of that dreaded word, ‘should’?
It means: ‘To express obligation, command, condition, or intention”. Not surprisingly, there are more ‘shoulds’ in our dictionary than we could ever have imagined. How many times in a day (Every. Single. Day. ) are we told what we ‘should’ or ‘should not’ do/be something?
'You should put the kids to bed before 9…
'You should get the laundry out to dry before heading to work…'
'You should not voice your opinions too strongly in a meeting…'
'You should not sound too bossy, but you should, at the same time, be assertive.'
Rise above the shoulds. Restart your career HERE
How many times do we tell ourselves:
'It should be okay…'
'This presentation shouldn’t be this hard…'
'My jeans should fit better…'
'I should have magical powers to be everywhere I want to be all at the same time.'
Enough. Is. Enough.
The shoulds have taken over our lives. The shoulds have somehow set up an invisible norm for us to follow, to adhere to, to comply with. My most favorite one is this: ‘You should learn to strike a work-life balance.
Yeah, right. Let’s throw that out the window. Truth is, there is no such thing as work-life balance. It makes no sense. It has never worked. We are going to be torn trying to juggle a hundred roles for most of our lives, and there is no running away from it. What will work, is acknowledging that this is how it’s going to be - a learning experience as the daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, mother, employee…and ultimately be a better human being.
Even if you are someone who is now on a career break, you have been there done that. You know what it’s like trying to run errands, cook, clean, attend corporate events, and then get home for what feels like 10 minutes of your waking day before you slump into your bed tired, only to do the same routine tomorrow.
So the next time someone says “You should learn to strike a work-life balance”, you can tell them to first try it themselves and tell you how it went.
‘You should not apply to that job because you may not fit in…'
‘You should be married by now…'
‘You should not be talking like that...walking like that….tying your hair up like that….dressing like that...eating like that…”
‘A good wife should always be home before the husband is...'
‘A good mother should always be ready to play with her kids even if it be at 3am...'
‘A good daughter-in-law should always bite the bullet and take things in her stride...'
...this list can run into pages!
So, then, what do you do about all these shoulds that are taking up so much space in your head and stopping you from achieving what you actually WISH to?
Think about all the shoulds that you give in to. Pick the most annoying ones. Head to the window (the mountains will work, too). Toss them out so far away that it'll take them decades to crawl back up into your life again. By then you’ll know how to handle them better, trust me.
2019: The Year of ‘I can’, and ‘I will’
This list of Shoulds can be supremely exhausting. It will drain you of your energy that you could have otherwise invested in something more fruitful, joyful, that lifts your soul. The list of Shoulds can be demotivating, and fill your mind with unnecessary thoughts. Seriously, we don’t need this. We’ve had all this and more over the last however-many-years.
2019 has got to be game-changing. 2019 has got to be life-changing. For you.
Whether it is taking stock of simple situations, making important decisions, standing up for what you believe in, and most importantly investing your time and energy in to the “cans” and the “wills.” 2019 IS YOURS!